The Diary of A Hopeless Nobody
by The-Shadow-Night0
Summary: Jaythdix is the newest Organization 13 member. He thinks this journal stuff Saix layed on him is bullshit and doesn't quite get it. As the story progresses, a very different light is shed on the organization. Later, he finds himself falling for a certain member, but doesn't know what to do. Rated T for bad words, subject to change due to possible yaoi near the end.
1. Entry 1

**Entry 1**

_What is_**_ this_**...

All I wanted from this was to find out just who I really was. But I suppose, since I got no answer, I'm simply nothing.. Do the others feel this way as well? All I'm left with is shattered memories. Memories of what it was like to.. to have a heart. Before I was, before I was _this_. This... this monster, this beast. A wolf in sheep's clothing. A Nobody. I guess it's supposed to feel this way at first. Maybe it's supposed to sting and eat away at your mind to know that you don't exist.. To know that if you died there'd be nothing left but a memory held by a comrade. I'd rather feel constant pain, sorrow, mirth, and despair than nothing. I'd rather go through the grueling process of martyrdom than spend my life emptying and bleeding myself dry to find even a glimmer of existence within myself. I suppose this is the life I was destined to live  
And that's what makes us special. Like fuck it is. This is shit, why do we have to keep fucking journals if no one's ever gonna fucking see them?! Saix is a goddamn asshole. Why the hell does anybody listen to his shit anyway? he's only #7! Why not let a ranked member be second in command? Wouldn't that make more sense? Sorry to throw off the mood, but we're supposed to write our thoughts and that's what I intend to do.

{A/N; The chapters may be short, and updates will most likely be slow, for I have limited access to computers T^T Jayth has a dirty mouth 0...o}


	2. Chapter 1

{Mwahahahaha! Between journals there shall be an actual chapter}

-  
Roxas was making his way to the conference area to see what Lord Xemnas summoned them for when he heard a strange voice. He didn't recognize it one bit. "H-hey! Sorry to jump out at ya man.. I was looking for the others and looks like I finally found one, heh. Where's the conference room?" The voice said nervously. Roxas turned to see a very tall, slender form in the hallway. He was wearing the cloak but it was unzipped to show a very form-fitting, grey tank top and revealing skinny jeans. The hood was sitting loosely on top of an auburn puff of hair that seemed to stick out in all directions. The man had dark brown eyes and pale skin, very thin lips, and a goofy smile plastered on his face. "Help a bro out?" He laughed. Roxas smiled. "Definitely! Follow me." "So, what's your name?" The other boy asked, desperately trying to spark up a conversation. "I'm Roxas." He smiled, looking up at the other. There was quite a considerable height difference between the two. "I'm Jaythdix, but you can call me Jay. What's your number? Rank I mean.." "13" Jaythdix nodded and the two carried on in a comfortable silence. They arrived at the conference area and Saïx approached them. "Roxas, thank you for escorting him. You may tale your seat now." He said flatly. "What a mess.." he sighed and fixed Jaythdix's coat. "Thanks man. I owe you for that." Jay smiled, looking down at the blue-haired man. "You are to stay here until lord Xemnas addresses you to enter." Saïx said. Jay nodded. Once the meeting was over and the others dispatched either to their rooms or the grey area, Jay decided to try to meet up with the blonde kid from earlier. What was his name again? Oh well, he'll figure it out later. Just before he was going to search for him a voice called out to him. "Yo! New guy! Wait up!"  
He turned to see what appeared to be a teenage boy with an atrocious, dirty blonde mullet. "Uhm. Hi." Jay smiled awkwardly. "Sup? I'm Demyx! Nice to meet ya dude~" he grinned. The kid wreaked of chlorine and sweat. "I'm Jaythdix but-uh you can call me Jay." Demyx shook Jay's hand frantically. "See that dude over there? That's my best bro Xigbar." He pointed towards two men. The first one he saw was fairly tall, and had thin, fit build with a grey and black ponytail, a large, jagged facial scar, and an eye patch. The other, who clearly didn't much care for the latter's company was a bit taller, had an average sized build, long dreadlocks tied into a loose ponytail and, more noticeably, very large sideburns and oddly shaped eyebrows. "Which one? Patchy or Medusa?" Jay laughed. "Oh, heh, patchy! The one with the sideburns is Xaldin." Demyx giggled and led him over to them. "Heya guys, this is Jayth... Jaythididix.. wait. That isn't right.. anywho, he goes by Jay."  
The two examined him, both with extremely serious, almost threatening expressions. They looked him up and down and as they did Jay was getting more and more nervous. "Well.." the one apparently named Xigbar spoke up. "You alright kiddo?" Didn't mean to worry ya there. Just jokin' around, ya know. " He grinned. The latter, Xaldin, said nothing and took this as an opportunity to get away from the other guy.

Jaythdix shifted his weight awkwardly. "Yeah, nah man. It's cool."

"How weird, this's your first day and you aren't a total zombie!" Demyx spoke up, running a hand through the back of hisdirty blonde mop.

"Yeah man, i was wondering what was up with that." the oldest of the three laughed and patted Jayth's shoulder.

Jaythdix nodded and smiled. Not quite knowing what else to do, he gave a second nod and returned to his room. He layed in his bed for what seemed like hours cursing himself for being so awkward and weird. He let out a sighed 'You fucking idiot.' A few hours later, after the sun was near it's crest, his body adjusted to the insufferably cold room, he fell asleep. Finally.


End file.
